March 2011- I couldn’t remember if I would be turning 64 or 65 this year. But not to worry. The mail started to arrive to remind me of my age and that this was the year in June, that I officially would be considered a Senior Citizen, or “Older Adult” as I would like to be called, and on Medicare. This means “legal senior discounts”, more wrinkles, higher health care costs, and sagging skin.
However, on the inside of me there is a bright light, wisdom and a beautiful feeling of oneness that I either didn’t have time to notice or I have just grown into it. But it is nice.
So far, I’m not on any drugs, although my blood tests keep telling my doctor that I need to be on cholesterol medications. After three years of her calling me to remind me of the scientific evidence of the importance of these drugs, I did go on them for over one year and then my blood sugar began to go up. Was there a correlation? I was told no. However my Dad’s voice is always in the background ( he is 94 and still plays golf, drives and doesn’t wear glasses and he is on no drugs at all), “Be careful of those drugs number one daughter”. So I went off the medications and for some reason my blood sugar went back to normal. Have I made a mistake? Will I die of Coronary Artery Disease??
The question that keeps coming up in my mind is what is Healthy Aging?
And the answer that I keep getting is maybe the question is worded wrong.
Maybe Healthy Aging is really about “us” which takes me back to my true belief and that is the importance of forming “Intentional Communities”. These communities are for the purpose of nurturing and supporting each other. To have a circle of support, to cut down on expenses (why do we each need to have a car anyway), and why can’t we share spaces, and utilities, and gardens, and tools, and conversations at dinner. Why can’t we build that into Healthy Aging? Why do we continue to think we need to be so extremely independent anyway. We came from families. Why not build and expand on our existing “families” which I like to call “our circle of support”?
Thinking about this aging thing, and as we talk among ourselves, one ponders on a sentence I once read, “How do we control our last years?” I wonder about that and ask myself, is that really the right question? I think back over my life and look at each new mountain/challenge I faced and ask myself, was I really in control? I am not sure. I think instead I had choices, some choices that were harder than others. Some choices I really didn’t want to make but knew I had too. And it seemed that when I went with the flow, towards the light/energy, things seem to flow much better. Now ,don’t misunderstand me, I did this the best I could, one step at a time, with tears, fears, uncertainty, and then I would reach a summit and I would exhale, look back and exclaim, Wow, that was amazing. So maybe I don’t have to try to be in control of my life, but to listen my closely to that “inner voice” as to what direction makes more sense, sharing your thoughts with those you trust and respect and then moving forward. Another thought, is for me and maybe for my generation, I didn’t have many mentors to turn too. It was a new frontier for me. New people, different ways; how did I fit in? So I ask, do we need to decide from whom we gain this knowledge of growing older from, or is it better to look inside and ask ourselves “what is right for me?”
I also want to share with you two great books I have read. One is an old one, written in 1978- “Aging Is A Lifelong Affair”- Ben Weininger and Eva L. Menkin, and the other “Aging Well- George E. Vaillant, M.D.
As I am aging, without a partner, many different people seem to be asking me the same questions- “Do you want to get married”, “Do you want someone in your life”, “You seem so independent, would you be able to handle someone in your life at this stage of the game”. And these questions give me thought! And I try as I may to answer these questions to the best of my ability. So I answer with the following “No matter how old we are, we never lose the hunger for a loving touch and emotional closeness”. And then as I ponder and think deeper, my next reply is-”Being able to have a deep and warm and exciting conversation is to me, the aspect of any relationship that I value the most. And what comes after that is the frosting on the cake.” Now of course the question “What about Sex” is often asked and of course once again I had to ponder on that question too. My thoughts on this question is must we search for someone else to satisfy ones needs or do need to learn to give thanks for what we have instead of being frustrated at what we don’t have, and I believe this statement is not just about one need or wants, but all needs and wants. And yes Touch is very important and there are more than just one way to meet the need of touch and we all really understand that don’t we? Or do we? And how many out there have a partner and find that their sexual needs are not or have not been fulfilled! Just a thought.
June 2012. It has now been 11 years since I retired from my full time work. Since that time I went through a Dis-Allusisonment (don’t you love that word), worked 24/7 on Madrigal, did some part time consulting work, involved myself in volunteer work that I believed in, made friends and explored my new town and the City of San Diego. And this month I will start receiving my social security. I know that statistics have shown that it makes more sense to start taking your benefits at 62. However my Dad just turned 95, on no medications, healthy, still driving, and my Mom is 85. So with that being said I thought I might need the extra dollars waiting a little longer.
Petals of Madrigal 